I’m not happy. I used to be, but I’m not right now. I don’t know at what point I became unhappy. But the other day, like a slap in the head, the realization overtook me. I have been unhappy for quite some time.
I can’t say that I have good reasons for being unhappy. People may think that living with chronic illnesses and a disease would impede my happiness. They don’t. Those things have contributed to unhappiness in the past, but I am an old pro at dealing with those. I did the whole therapy thing, and I found my happiness within.
God has always given me everything I needed. I married my best friend. We love, we fight, we struggle, we thrive. We lose each other in the fog at times, but we always find our way back. We choose to love and commit ourselves to each other. I am also blessed with two daughters. They don’t like each other much right now, but we are doing our best to raise them to have a God-centered life. I would be lying if I said their lack of empathy towards each other didn’t contribute to my unhappiness. But there is no way their turmoil lies at the center of my unhappiness.
I have a great job. I teach! I’m in year 17 of doing the only thing I ever wanted to do. I will say that this job has taken a mental toll on me. The world of today is not the world I grew up in. There is a lot of pain and sadness that comes with teaching nowadays. Is it enough to make me unhappy? I don’t think so.
Last week, my principal turned me onto this idea of #myoneword. This is something that has crossed my path before but I always turned my head away. But this year God placed it at my feet. What a blessing.
My journey begins today. God is telling me (ugh, no surprise) to blog. I have no idea who for? Maybe just me.
I have an entire year to figure out how I have become the person I am. And I have one year to find the person I used to be. I have one year to rediscover my HAPPY.
And everything about that terrifies me.